February 2011
26 posts
1 tag
Eclipse: chapters 21-end
Bella and Edward’s night of sexy awesomeness is all over, and now Bella and Edward are supposed to go camp out in the woods or something until the big fight is all over. Everyone is really jazzed on the fight—Jacob, Edward, and Jacob’s dad. Which coaxes this glittering nugget of gender essentialism (what else) from the murky, stalactitic recesses of Bella Swan’s psyche:
...
January 2011
16 posts
1 tag
Eclipse - chapters 18-20
At the beginning of chapter 18 Bella is STILL pissing and moaning about the fucking party. ALL RIGHT. YOU WENT TO A PARTY. Good thing you aren’t going to college, LOL. Bella goes into the woods in the middle of the fucking night again with Edward to watch the vampires and wolves practice fighting.
Chapter 19 is forgettable. I honestly don’t care about or remember anything that happened here,...
1 tag
Eclipse: chapters 13-17
Brought to you by this. (There’s a lot of smelling, scent trails, etc. in these chapters and I always, without fail, think of all the characters saying “do you recognize my essence” to one another.)
So, they’re going to see Jasper, who is going to provide an Important Plot Development. Jasper was a Confederate soldier in Civil War days and was transformed into a vampire by...
1 tag
Eclipse: chapters 10-12
Hello, dear readers! Sorry for the long delays in posting. I’ve been doin’ thangs.
At the beginning of chapter 10, Jacob comes over to Bella’s house, for some reason. He is shirtless, natch. Bella is, of course, doing dishes (if anyone was ever born to do dishes, it’s Bella Swan). At one point Jacob says “does my being half-naked bother you?” To which Bella...
Update
Want to see about getting Disqus, or maybe moving this whole affair to a different free blogging platform, so that people can leave comments. Would you freaks be into that? See, I have no way of knowing, because you can’t leave comments here.
Post coming soon. I’ve been busy for the past few days as everything in my apartment goes to shit simultaneously.
1 tag
Eclipse: chapters 7-9
Brought to you by better than bad, it’s good!
At the beginning of chapter 7, Bella is being held against her will in Edward’s house, so she can’t get into trouble. She tries to go to sleep but Rosalie, Edward’s vampire sister, comes into her room to talk. Rosalie doesn’t like Bella at all, so this should be interesting, right? WRONG. Rosalie basically tells this...
1 tag
Eclipse: chapters 4-6
This post brought to you by a song that could be very easily modified to fit the Twilight saga. (A warning: any readers that may be offended or triggered by—or are just not into—mild casual use of politically incorrect terms may not want to click the link.)
Chapter 4 opens, shockingly, with this sentence: “I was having a bad week.”
Edward has to go “hunt”...
1 tag
Eclipse: chapter 3
Quick post tonight. Brought to you by dances with wolves (get it? Because Jacob is a wolf!).
The chapter opens with Edward and Bella on the plane coming back from Jacksonville, where they visited Bella’s mom. I’m sorry, but the concept of vampires on airplanes just cracks me up for some reason.
Then, there’s a flashback to the visit, where Bella is (SURPRISE!) complaining...
1 tag
Eclipse: preface - chapter 2
This post brought to you by rituals of repression.
I don’t know why I decided to include the preface in this writeup. It’s so dumb—oh look, Bella is “surely” going to die, again. What’s this, the third time? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me… you can’t get fooled again.
Things are majorly fucked up with Jacob as this latest shit odyssey begins,...
Random thought.
I’m reminded of this song every time Edward opens his stupid mouth.
I’ve started Eclipse. It’s terrible. Post coming soon, I was busy today!
1 tag
TWILIGHT: the movie, the liveblog
7:47 p.m. I will be eating for the first part of this. Sorry.
8:03 p.m. Watched the Linkin Park video that is on this disc. It sucked real bad.
First lines: “I’ve never given much thought to how I would die.” BAAAAAHAHAH. Oh my goodness, something is chasing a deer in the woods. I think it’s a vampire.
8:04 p.m. Apparently this is about her leaving Phoenix.
Says the...
1 tag
New Moon: chapter 24 and epilogue
This post brought to you by Pauly D, because being a vampire, much like being a guido, is a way of life. (Fresh to deeeeath… LITERALLY.)
Bella and Edward are going to Edward’s house so his family can vote on whether or not Bella should become a vampire. Predictably, this chapter is not without nauseating conversations. Bella tells Edward that she doesn’t “trust myself to...
1 tag
New Moon: chapters 20-23
Today’s post brought to you by Danzig buying Fresh Step. And also by dedicated reader/Twilight fangirl/current and future life coach Marcy, who suggested I read Snooki’s A Shore Thing. Definitely on the list now.
Chapters 20-23 round out the (so far) typical Twilight narrative arc. Edward gets in trouble, Bella and assorted others have to take some bizarre trip, there is danger and...
Brief blog note
Coworker and cool person Laura has lent me Glenn Beck’s An Inconvenient Book, so that will be next, after the Twilight series—er, saga.
Also, the Twilight movie is currently on its way to me. Liveblog this weekend perhaps? Can’t wait to see all this abstinence in real time.
1 tag
New Moon: chapters 15-19
This post brought to you by strangers in your room at night. (No, that is not a link to the Bed Intruder song. Please.)
In chapter 15, Bella jumps off of a cliff and almost drowns. She is way excited about this, because of hearing Edward’s voice. She almost dies, but Jacob pulls her out just in time and saves her life! Of course, because of this, Bella manages to turn most of chapter 16...
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New Moon: chapters 11-14
GRRRR, so I did a writeup earlier today and then Tumblr went down just as I tried to publish the post and I wasn’t able to recover it. Consequently, I am even more pissed about these chapters than I already was—and I was already very pissed because oh man New Moon is so boring.
This post is brought to you by BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW. Yeah....