December 2010
12 posts
1 tag
New Moon: chapter 10
So, we left chapter 9 with Jacob starting to be kind of douchey to Bella, i.e., not returning her repeated calls. In chapter 10, this continues! It continually amazes me how many pages Meyer was able to occupy with describing this.
Remember the meadow from Twilight, where Bella and Edward go on a date? Bella has been dragging Jacob through the woods for freaking ever trying to find this stupid...
Christmas appeal
No, I’m not asking for money. That would be the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard.
I want any/all people that read this blog to vote on what I should read next, after the Twilight saga.
Here are my ideas so far:
The Overton Window
Decision Points
Bridget Jones’s Diary
Glenn Beck’s Christmas Sweater
??? I’m not very good at this. I’m open to...
1 tag
New Moon: chapters 7-9
Literally nothing happened in these chapters, so this post is not going to be riveting at all. I’m writing this mostly as an excuse to sit at my desk listening to pop punk without feeling like a waste of space, so adjust your expectations accordingly.
So, chapter 7 opens with Bella driving through the woods wondering if she is a masochist for a couple of pages. More shit about Edward. It is...
1 tag
New Moon: chapters 5-6
Man this book just keeps getting worse and worse. In chapter 5, Bella decides to buy some old motorcycles on a whim, from some dudes, to endanger herself (i.e. “get close to Edward”). I seriously want to throw up. Why not just get a small tat of a butterfly or some shit on your ankle and listen to some Evanescence like any other teenage girl in your predicament? Dashboard Confessional...
1 tag
New Moon: chapters 3-4
Hello! Sorry for the delay. I’ve been traveling for awhile.
Oh man where to begin with these. In chapter 3, Edward is acting weird. He takes Bella “on a walk” out to the woods at the back of her house and dumps her. Supposedly this is out of concern for her—Edward feels like proximity to vampires is threatening to Bella’s life. A perceptive one, that Edward. The...
1 tag
New Moon: chapters 1-2
So, New Moon! Hell yeah. This thing starts with a preface—Bella is running across some sort of square, and might die (what else is new), and there’s a big clock chiming somewhere. I don’t think EDWUHD is mentioned at all in this passage but I’m sure he is what it’s about. Foreshadowing, guys!
Chapter 1 begins where Bella is having a very realistic dream about...
1 tag
Teenage Freakshow: Twilight chapters 20-end, by...
Chapter 20 begins with Bella waking up in a strange hotel room that Alice and Jasper have brought her to, to try and escape from James. In Phoenix. Dipshit vampires, as if James wouldn’t be able to figure out that Bella is from Phoenix. Bella is, of course, freaking out, but her vampire companions seem calm and not at all worried about Edward getting killed. This part is very, very boring....
1 tag
Twilight: chapters 17-20
I shit you not: chapter 17 of Twilight begins with the Cullen family playing BASEBALL. Yes, that’s correct: fucking baseball. Well, not quite—first Bella comes home from the Cullens’s house (I swear, at least a quarter of the pages in this book are spent in the car or the driveway). Jacob Black and his dad are at the house and Edward is PISSED because Jacob’s dad wants to...
1 tag
Twilight: chapters 14-15
Chapter 14 picks up with Edward and Bella driving home from their Blingee day in the woods. Just like in high school, a lot of the heavy hitting romance in this series takes place in the car. Edward turns on the radio and starts singing along to a doo-wop song. This might be the first time in the entire book Edward has seemed cool at all. Edward poo-poos music from the sixties and seventies but...
1 tag
Twilight: chapters 9-13
These chapters are primarily fluff. Starting in chapter 9, this book finally delivers on its implicit promise that it will be catnip for lovesick tweens.
Okay, well, I guess they aren’t really fluff. There are Important Plot Developments. Remember where we left off in chapter 8, outside the Olive Garden? Well, in chapter 9, Edward drives Bella back home. This is a huge deal, because this...
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Twilight: chapters 6-8
Shit is starting to get real in these latest chapters of Twilight. In chapter 6, Bella goes with her boring, unsexy human friends to a beach somewhere. Some Native American kids from “the reservation” show up. One of them, named Jacob, is actually an old childhood friend of Bella’s. They flirt for awhile—Bella flirts with this poor young man with the explicit purpose of...
1 tag
Twilight of the Idols
I started reading Stephenie Meyers’s Twilight today. I read over a hundred pages in an hour, which should give you some indication of how difficult Stephenie Meyers’s Twilight is to read (read: not very). I’m already starting to forget a lot of the hot details, so I’m referring to my own Twitter observations as the basis of this post, so… sorry.
First of all, it is...